WARNING: SPOILERS AND SHIT

Leik omg, I just read twilight and it is leik the best book ever. srsly guys, go read it nao cuz it's rlly good n stuff. So I wrote this fanfic cuz, leik bella and Edward 4ever! so this is the part rite after bella and edward get hitched and they go off and have som srsly hawt secks, mmkay yeah here we go:

Edward rolled off of Bella and lay on his back, staring up into the sky with an expression of disgust. Bella looked over at him, troubled by his expression.
"What's wrong Edward?" she asked. He glanced at her, nothing but contempt in his eyes. Bella shuddered, he'd never looked at her that way before.
"What's wrong?" he mocked. "What's wrong? I search for more than a century and all I can find is a girl with a personality I like?! Hell no! I can do better."
Bella sat in shock, staring at his flawless features. She opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't make words happen.
"But, I--I don't understand!" she finally cried out. "What is it? What did I do wrong?"
"Alright fine," Edward said with a sigh. "I'll put it simply: you are absolutely miserable in bed." Bella was shocked into silence once more, so Edward continued. "I was only in this relationship for the sex, Bella, and you're terrible. So until you get some talent, or experience, or something, I'm afraid we can't see each other."
"But Edward!" she cried. He stood up and got dressed at the speed of sound. Seriously, there was a sonic boom from his pants.
"Call me when you're better!" he said, dashing off into the forest and out of sight.

ThE nExT dAy At ScHoOl!! :D
"What's wrong with Bella?" asked Jessica. Bella was sitting by herself in the emo corner, crying her eyes out and violently slashing her wrists. Bella's other nameless friend glanced over at her.
"Oh, yeah," said the monumentally unimportant little bitch. "Edward broke up with her until she was better in bed." Jessica's eyes widened until they exploded out of her face. Just then, Mike and that other douche Eric walked over. Mike broke down into tears when he saw Jessica's eyes on the floor, staring up at him.
"Yo, unimportant bitch, what's up with Bella?" Eric asked.
"I hate repeating myself," she muttered. "Edward broke up with her until she's better in bed!"
"Oh really," Eric said, a wicked grin spreading across his face. Mike's head snapped up out of his hands.
"Dibs," he called, completely forgetting about Jessica.

"Edward!" Bella said, dragging out each syllable in wailing anguish.
"What?" he asked, standing over her, a cold hard expression on his face. Bella's anguish vaporized and was replaced by an unending rage.
"Well fine!" she said, stamping her foot. "I don't want to be with you either! You aren't exactly a porn star yourself, Edward!" she said, bitchily.
"Bella, I'm dangerous!" he roared, murder in his eyes.
"Clearly," she said, paralyzed with fear.
"So now you understand?" he asked, slightly more sympathetic. Bella's unending rage ended when confronted with the kindness in his voice.
"But Edward," she moaned. "I'm in love."
"Oh," Edward said, his face dropping. "Wait, with who?" he asked, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. Bella glared at him.
"Nevermind," she said, walking out of the cafeteria.
"Bella? Bella!" he called after her. "Don't you walk away from me Bella! You whore! Where's my money, bitch? You know you owe me! Bella!"

OuTsIdE!! :D
"I hate vampires. I hate Edward. I hate shiny things. I hate cute fluffy bunnies," Bella mumbled to herself, staring unseeing into her math book, open on the table in front of her.
"Hey Bella!" said Mike. She looked up. He opened his mouth to speak, but then paused and spat out a tooth onto the open book.
"Ew," she said, pushing the book away.
"Sorry, me and Eric got into a fistfight over--I mean, so Bella, I heard Edward dumped you," he said, trying hard not to be awkward and failing spectacularly at it. "Listen, you know, if you need any…um, practice or anything, so you can do better in bed, and get back with Edward…"
"Could you rephrase the question?" Bella said.
"Oh please Bella! Have sex with me!" he fell on his knees, hands clasped in the air in front of him. "Just once! I can teach you to be better!"
"Oh ho ho, what's this then?" Edward said, appearing out of thin air. "I leave you alone for three minutes and already you've got your little man-whores down on their knees in front of you?"
"Ho shit," Mike said, running away.
"Bitch please," Bella said. "At least he had the decency to come to me in my hour of need."
"What?! You know what, I just don't think it's working out between us Bella," Edward said, putting his hand to his head. "I'm just going to eat you now."
"AAAAAAAGH!!" Bella screamed, as Edward ripped her apart and devoured her right there on the school lawn. The principle showed up to punish him, but Edward is just so fucking sexy that the principle raped him instead.

TEH END!! :D